The Latest Weight Loss Secret is Literally a Vacuum


I haven’t been on this earth that long, but I have the cynicism of an 80 year old war veteran am a realist.

What I saw the other day both shocked me and made me wonder, once again; where will we draw the line?

How does it work?
No, you don’t vacuum half of the food off of your plate…

You vacuum it out of your stomach. From a hole in your belly. They cut a hole in your body and suck the food out of your stomach.

Just let that sink in for a minute–and then vacuum the thought out of your head.*

Watch this:

ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?!

Reality, as I see it:
Once again, doctors and scientists are trying to remove the human element of weight management instead of understand it. This completely ignores the REAL REASONS that people are overweight.

1) It’s not about the substance, it’s about the behavior

Alcoholics don’t have an alcohol problem, they have an addiction problem that is caused by the need to escape normal life. It’s very much the same with drug addicts – there is a hole that needs to be filled. And that kind of hole can’t be used to remove partially digested food from your body. You need to figure out.

2) The problem is often not the cause of the problem

Yes, people eat too much. Yes they take in too many calories. Yes they store too much body fat. Yes they don’t exercise and build necessary muscle. Yes they do not invest a significant amount of time trying to improve (or even maintain) their ability to move like a human. But what happened first? Look for the source of the problem, don’t just analyze the problem. In this case, doctors looked at this in a way that was very logical from a caloric absorption standpoint, but in a completely idiotic way from a behavioral psychology standpoint. Is it really fair to call a surgically implanted stomach pump a “solution?”

I say no. Look back 10 steps and see where this is stemming from – it will be different for everyone.

3) Food is fuel, and it’s more than that too

On the one end of the spectrum, there are people who can put all the food they eat on a scale, and only put in exactly what they think will fuel them from a health and performance standpoint. However, we have been “breaking bread” and socializing through food and drink for thousands and thousands of years. It is ingrained in our DNA just as much as being constantly bombarded with sexual thoughts doing everything we possibly can to procreate and carry our genetics forward to the next generation.

4) Parents are to blame–for a while

Your critical developmental years can shape who you are. If your parents feed you too much and exercise you too little, those habits can sink in. If you are overweight as a kid, it can be harder to have a healthy metabolism later. These are facts. That being said, at a certain point everyone CAN exist at a normal, healthy weight. It all comes down to choices.

5) The Choice Is Yours, and it’s always your faultStomach Pump

At the end of the day, you have two options for the reality you’d like to live in:
A) You have control over your life
B) You do not have control over your life

The beauty is that you actually have the freedom to choose, at any point, that you are in control. There is nothing more liberating than having the understanding that everything in your life is your fault: the good and the bad. Take that responsibility and don’t blame anyone but yourself for your situation.

Light at the end of the tunnel:
Behavior change, lifestyle change, whatever you want to call it, is a forever process. It is not a 30 day challenge. It is NOT (so help me god) a 7 day “juice detox.”

It is about small victories done consistently over the long term. Small forward progress, but always forward progress. Don’t expect to get “8 minute abs”. That’s a hollow promise, and total bullshit. Start something..ANYTHING, but start today, and do it again tomorrow. Go for a 5 minute walk or do 5 lunges. Don’t worry about the minor details, just get moving!

If you need some advice on where to start, I can certainly help you with some 5 minute routines to get you on the right track.

There is a secret to long term health and fitness, but it isn’t a stomach vacuum.

It’s finding joy in moving like a human being again, and having the activity BE the reward itself. Enjoy the process, because I guarantee you can find some exercise you like and some healthy food that tastes good. Now go do it.

Better every day,
-Max

*Coming soon: the head vacuum, to get rid of unwanted offensive thoughts that bad people made you think

Leave a comment

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *